Dear neighbour
Thank you for the anonymous letter you wrote to my owners complaining about my incessant barking, the annoyingly high pitch of same and various other aspects of my canine existence which have annoyed you in recent times.
I welcome the opportunity to address your points and the queries you have raised...
You have asked my owners to have me cease and desist with the barking, this may not be possible as my barking reflex has developed from an evolutionary perspective over the past two hundred thousand years or so, my owners could consider surgery to have my dogvoicebox removed but I hope you will agree that this would be a slightly drastic route..... for me!
You have pointed out that I am the most annoying dog on the planet, I must take issue with point, I know a shitzu who is much more annoying than me, she preens about with her nose in the air with that 'holier than thou' air about her, she also regularly poops on our street which I am sure you will agree is a huge contributing factor to the tag of 'most annoying dog'?
You also mentioned the fact that I bark at the birds, while this is true I would like to hear your suggestions for resolving this habit, maybe a no-fly zone over our garden, possibly put up some birdy signs 'tweet tweet, twittery tweet, chirp' which roughly translates to 'Hey birds, fuck off'!
I could always suggest to my owners to buy an UZI machine gun and take the scumbag birds out all together, but I don't think that's going to fly.... so to speak.
You are wondering if I am in fact a dog in distress due to the high pitch of my barking? Now I am not sure whether you know this or not but I am actually one of those annoying Bichon Frise breeds, we are an in-bred lot of mutts with a penchant for high pitched barking, matted coats, dog mania and a general mental dizziness which usually drives our owners over the edge.
Lastly you noted that during the week you had to listen to my barking all day which has been very annoying to you.
May I be so bold as to suggest you venture out of your house at least once or twice a week, that big ball of gas in the sky is called the sun and sometimes it can be nice and warm when it makes contact with your skin, if however you are in fact a blood sucking vampire from hell (which is how my owner referred to you) I would probably not go out during the day as I have heard it can be bad for your skin, even fatal!
Well that's about all I have to contribute at this point, I need to go now as my owner wants to bring me for a walk, however he does have a strange look in his eye and has packed a shovel into the back of his car and a few black sacks, I am not too sure about that manic grin on his face, ah well hopefully will talk to you again sometime soon.
Don't forget to write back!!
Signed
Charlie the Dog
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Thank you for the anonymous letter you wrote to my owners complaining about my incessant barking, the annoyingly high pitch of same and various other aspects of my canine existence which have annoyed you in recent times.
I welcome the opportunity to address your points and the queries you have raised...
You have asked my owners to have me cease and desist with the barking, this may not be possible as my barking reflex has developed from an evolutionary perspective over the past two hundred thousand years or so, my owners could consider surgery to have my dogvoicebox removed but I hope you will agree that this would be a slightly drastic route..... for me!You have pointed out that I am the most annoying dog on the planet, I must take issue with point, I know a shitzu who is much more annoying than me, she preens about with her nose in the air with that 'holier than thou' air about her, she also regularly poops on our street which I am sure you will agree is a huge contributing factor to the tag of 'most annoying dog'?
You also mentioned the fact that I bark at the birds, while this is true I would like to hear your suggestions for resolving this habit, maybe a no-fly zone over our garden, possibly put up some birdy signs 'tweet tweet, twittery tweet, chirp' which roughly translates to 'Hey birds, fuck off'!
I could always suggest to my owners to buy an UZI machine gun and take the scumbag birds out all together, but I don't think that's going to fly.... so to speak.
You are wondering if I am in fact a dog in distress due to the high pitch of my barking? Now I am not sure whether you know this or not but I am actually one of those annoying Bichon Frise breeds, we are an in-bred lot of mutts with a penchant for high pitched barking, matted coats, dog mania and a general mental dizziness which usually drives our owners over the edge.
Lastly you noted that during the week you had to listen to my barking all day which has been very annoying to you.
May I be so bold as to suggest you venture out of your house at least once or twice a week, that big ball of gas in the sky is called the sun and sometimes it can be nice and warm when it makes contact with your skin, if however you are in fact a blood sucking vampire from hell (which is how my owner referred to you) I would probably not go out during the day as I have heard it can be bad for your skin, even fatal!
Well that's about all I have to contribute at this point, I need to go now as my owner wants to bring me for a walk, however he does have a strange look in his eye and has packed a shovel into the back of his car and a few black sacks, I am not too sure about that manic grin on his face, ah well hopefully will talk to you again sometime soon.
Don't forget to write back!!
Signed
Charlie the Dog
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